Cryptid Wiki
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Cryptid Wiki

DISCLAIMER

This article contains innapropriate content. Reader discretion is advised.

There are some pretty stupid cryptids out on the internet; these so called cryptids are not allowed on this wiki because they are a violation of the Quality Standards.

The cryptids listed below are so low quality, they are not allowed to be created on this wiki.

1.) The X Monkey

The "X monkey" is an alleged primate said to live in many forests. Since there is only one and it is said to move around a lot, it is very hard to study.

Anatomy

The X Monkey is said to have been created in a lab. The scientist who created it is unknown, yet many people believe it was Albert Einstein himself because he was always very uneasy when talking about it. The X monkey is about the size of an orangutan, and half its face is robotic. One of its eyes is robotic, so its eye is always glowing red. A slight fraction of Kenya has claimed to have seen it, and explorers have found a run-down lab in the middle of Kenya and they found blueprints as well as a broken tank with hair. The hair had orangutan DNA, as well as artificial DNA. The blueprints exactly matched the description of the civilians, each and every one. The name at the top of the blueprint said simply, "X". This cryptid is fabricated and its earliest mention was on a cryptid wiki that is now closed by wikia.

2.) The Dildo Monster

Before you report this section, I promise you this isn't a troll. The dildo monster is a supposed monster that lurks underneath Dildo Pond, Newfoundland and Labrador, Canada. In terms of ridiculousness, the Dildo monster isn't much different than most other lake monsters, other than it's, let's just say... unflattering... name. According to the couple that claimed to see it, it was bigger than Ogopogo, which they gloated about. However, no further reports of the Dildo Monster, so let's just leave this as a tall tale.

Please don't Google this, if you're curious, click this link.

Moral of the story: Double check what you're naming your cryptids.

3.) Dog Boy

Dog Boy

Arkansas is renowned for its abundance of ghost stories, with many older houses believed to harbor spirits. Amidst this backdrop, it's challenging for any legend to stand out. However, one tale that has risen to prominence is the legend of Dog Boy. In 1954, Gerald Floyd Bettis was born to Floyd and Alline Bettis in what is now known as the Bettis House. According to those who knew him, Gerald had a disturbing habit as a young boy - he would capture dogs and cats, bringing them into his home not as pets, but as victims of his cruel torture and eventual deaths. Yet, his most infamous actions were directed towards his own parents.

According to the story, he confined them to the attic, where they remained for years. Police reports confirm severe abuse inflicted upon his parents, yet Gerald evaded arrest until after his father's death and continued mistreatment of his mother. He met his demise in prison from a drug overdose. Ever since, reports of paranormal occurrences have circulated regarding the house. Witnesses recount flickering lights, mysterious sounds, and objects seemingly moving on their own. Given Bettis's history, such disturbances seem rather mild in comparison.

4.) Giant Flying squid

Flying-squid

The Giant Flying Squid is a hypothetically living specimen of squids (some specimens, for example can fly: Neon flying squid or Japanese flying squid). Has never been reported.

5.) Woofen-poof

Woofen-poof

A woofen-poof

Eoörnis pterovelox gobiensis is a fabricated avian species, conceived as a comical fabrication by Dr. Lester W. Sharp, a professor of botany at Cornell University in the United States. Why did he do this you may ask? The answer is more straightforward than you think. He wanted to. Dr. Sharp wanted to see how far it could go before one of his students questioned him about it's authenticity. Not wanting to correct their professor, the woofen-poof remained for a whole semester, with the result being a 35+ page report on a creature that was actually a pelican car hood ornament.

6.) Czechoslovakian Dong Wrangler

Old stamp czec

First reported in the early 1930s by a couple visiting the town of Schniederhof, in the country then known as Czechoslovakia, the Czechoslovakian Dong Wrangler is a creature locally well-known for its ability to wrangle multiple dongs at will.

There have been over 60 reported incidents of dong wrangling, from all over Czechoslovakia, but in particular in the Plzen region.

7.) Paul Bunyan

Paulbunyan2

Paul Bunyan from a Disney Film

Paul Bunyan is a lumberjack figure in North American folklore and tradition. One of the most famous and popular North American folklore heroes, he is usually described as a giant as well as a lumberjack of unusual skill, and is often accompanied in stories by his animal companion, Babe the Blue Ox...

Note: this is in no way a cryptid.

8.) Japanese Hairy Fish

The Japanese Hairy Fish is a mystery fish of Japan. It is said to have a scaly, fish-like body, with a length of 4–5 feet, with human-like hair on the head. Aggressive. Emerges from the water to fight or play? Emits loud cries. Said to attack and kill humans by disowning [?] them. It is said to live in an unspecified river in Japan...

9.) Oviedo Dick Monster

Orlando

In the Central Florida town of Oviedo, only 15 minutes away from Orlando. There have been numerous reports and sightings of an alleged cryptid. This creature is said to stand 7 feet tall when fully erect. It has a long phallus shaped body and two round legs (thus the name Dick Monster). Most sightings take place at night in the woods of the still water neighborhood. Where many teenagers go to smoke cannabis. As a matter of fact, all sightings have been from teenage stoners in still water.

10.) Veggieman

Veggie Man Passed Out

Don't ever trust anyone whose body resembles the green, slender stalk of a plant, and who sucks out your blood through three 7-in-long fingers with needle-like tips and suction cups - that's what I always say!

And Jennings Frederick would certainly agree, because he allegedly met just such a being while hunting one day in a West Virginia woodland during July 1968. According to American paranormal researcher Brad Steiger, Frederick suddenly became aware of what he later described as "...a high-pitched jabbering, much like that of a recording running at exaggerated speed", yet which he could somehow understand, and which was informing him that it came in peace but needed medical assistance. At the same moment, Frederick saw beside him the extraordinary quasi-botanical entity described above, with a semi-human face, long ears, yellow slanted eyes, and two stick-like arms.

Before he had time to be surprised, however, he felt a pricking sensation in one of his hands, as if it had become entangled in some thorns - but when he looked, he discovered to his horror that the entity was draining blood from it, through its own fingers. Moreover, its eyes suddenly changed colour, becoming bright red and yielding a rotating, hypnotic effect that rendered its blood-sucking operation painless.

A minute later, Frederick's enforced transfusion was over, and his mesmerizing recipient fled, bounding away rapidly up a hill, each leap covering a distance exceeding 25 ft. Unfortunately for Frederick, however, once the entity had disappeared, the pain in his hand reappeared. And as he set off back home, he heard a strange humming sound, which he believed to be the entity's craft, transporting it back from whence it had come. Frederick was so disturbed by his grotesque experience that he did not speak about it for several months. Some researchers have speculated that it may be a hoax, but those who have spoken to him seemed convinced that his account, albeit highly unusual, is genuine.

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